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6 Ways to Help Your Highly Sensitive Child Thrive

Parenting sensitive children is a tremendous privilege and responsibility. Here are six ways that we can help our highly sensitive child thrive through our parenting.

I entered my daughter’s room and settled on her bed across from her. She side-eyed me with a curious but guarded expression. In those eyes, I could see the leftover hurt from our hour-long shopping debacle. A hundred shirts, a hundred rejections, and one impatient mom. Since I knew she was a highly sensitive and emotional child, I knew I had to approach the situation with intentionality.

“I messed up. I’m so sorry. What are you feeling? I really want to know.”

Avery took a breath, and the hidden floodgate opened. Lots of tears, lots of feelings — several failed shopping trips’ worth of them.

“I don’t like my shoulders. My friends and sisters don’t have muscly shoulders like mine. They’re all tiny. And everybody wants me to wear clothes that aren’t me.”

The more she talked, the better I understood her complex inner world: Today wasn’t about the clothes or our relationship. It was about body image and sibling comparison, insecurity, and identity. And here I thought it was about shirts.

6 Ways to Help Your Highly Sensitive and Emotional Child Thrive

Parenting sensitive and emotional children is a tremendous privilege and responsibility — a privilege because they have extraordinary capacities for intuition, joy, and love; a responsibility because their souls are tender and more easily hurt. They don’t live on the surface of life. Rather, they ponder, they worry, they stew. When they’re happy, the house fills with sunshine. But when they’re sad, the house hides in shadow. When they’re hurt, they may brood for hours, even days.

So how do we parent our sensitive children? Here are six ways that we can help our highly sensitive child thrive.

1. Acknowledge Their Emotions

Our sensitive children long to be noticed and valued for who they are. Yet because they tend to respond so strongly, we can be tempted to accommodate their moods. 

Is she angry? The whole family walks on eggshells. Is he disappointed? We change plans to appease him. 

Continually catering to one child’s moods can backfire with other family members, creating resentment and frustration. So while it’s important to acknowledge the sensitive child’s emotions, we must not allow those feelings to dictate the household mood. 

During one dinner, as the rest of the family ate, laughed, and told stories, my son Blake picked listlessly at his spaghetti. Before long, his siblings began feeling guilty for being happy when he was upset.

I motioned for Blake to join me in the next room and then asked, “What’s going on?”

He said, “I was looking forward to French toast.”

I offered him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, Blake. I know I promised French toast, but we’re out of syrup.”

He nodded, though I could tell he was still unhappy. Blake is sensitive, so I’ve learned to draw him out and double-check his responses in case a deeper issue is hiding underneath.

“Did something else happen today?”

“No. It’s just the food,” he said.

“OK.” I grinned, and he seemed to soften. “Bud, it’s OK to feel disappointed, but it’s not OK to sulk. Are you able to rejoin the family without making us feel like we’ve betrayed you?”

He offered a wan grin.

Our sensitive kids’ emotions shouldn’t dictate the mood of others in the family. But sometimes, we must help our children find healthier expressions and understand their boundaries. After all, God calls us to demonstrate kindness and self-control even when we’re upset, frustrated, or hurt.

2. Help Their Emotional Vocabulary

At every age and stage, sensitive kids (really, all kids) need to learn not only how to talk about feelings but also how to label and express their emotions in healthy ways.

With toddlers and preschoolers, try asking a simple question: “Are you feeling mad? Sad? Disappointed?” Teaching young children to identify and name their emotions takes the edge off of outbursts and tantrums. Sometimes they don’t know how to express exactly what they’re feeling. Teach them to identify their feelings using an emotion chart, such as the Adventures in Odyssey emotion chart.

With school-age kids, Bible stories and other healthy stories can serve as conversational springboards that cultivate emotional maturity. We can ask our kids questions like:

  • “What is this character feeling?”
  • “When do you feel that way?”
  • “How do you think God would feel about the way this person reacted?”

3. Help Them Practice Responses

When our kids were preschoolers, my husband, Kevin, and I gave them opportunities to practice healthy emotional expression during our family devotion times. We’d choose a simple passage such as “Do all things without grumbling or disputing” (Philippians 2:14). Then we’d act out a familiar scenario in different ways.

For the first round, the kids would play the parents, and Kevin and I would be the children. Our kids would announce, “It’s time to leave the playground!” Kevin and I would begin wailing and moaning, toddler-style. We might even roll around on the floor in mock temper tantrums.

Our kids would erupt in a chorus of giggly advice: “Mommy! Daddy! You can’t throw fits! God says don’t complain!”

Then we’d act out the scene again, this time demonstrating a positive attitude and emotional self-control. (The second scene never prompted quite as many giggles.) Next, we’d swap roles and reenact the scene — parents playing parents, kids playing kids — allowing our children to demonstrate both positive and negative responses, emotional outbursts and emotional self-control.

These devotions were a fun way to give our family a neutral moment in which to practice expressing sensitive feelings. Of course, our kids still needed time to mature, but the more we practiced, the better they became at sorting through emotions in real-life situations. The next time we left the playground, there might still be tears, but not a tantrum.

As our children entered elementary school, we started talking through possible emotional scenarios:

  • “What do you do if you feel left out on the playground?”
  • “What do you say when a friend hurts your feelings?”

Simple what-if conversations engage our kids in problem-solving. These conversations don’t protect our children from challenging situations, of course, but they do make the situations less scary and overwhelming.

4. Share Your Emotional Journey

Avery pulled her would-be cake out of the oven with a moan of dismay. I glanced over to see a slab of rubbery batter glued to the bottom of the pan.

Fat tears started falling from my emotional child. “I always mess up,” she said. “I’m terrible at everything.”

I attempted the usual parenting wisdom — “It’s OK to mess up; you’re still learning” — but she batted it away with brutal self-criticism.

Desperate, I told a story: “Have I told you about the first time I cooked for Daddy?”

A long sniffle and a headshake. “No.”

“It was our first dinner after our honeymoon, and I overcooked the chicken so badly, we couldn’t even chew it. I ended up crying at the table. Poor Daddy didn’t know what to do.”

A small smile twitched around her lips. “Really?” As I recounted the full story, her tears turned to peals of laughter.

My story stopped Avery’s downward spiral, but I couldn’t tell if she’d gotten the point. A few weeks later, when she had another epic baking fail, I overheard her laughing with her sister: “Did you hear about the time Mommy accidentally made chicken jerky?”

Recounting our own failures — especially the emotional ones we didn’t handle with grace and resilience — gives our sensitive children comfort and hope. They remind kids that it’s OK to be imperfect, and it’s OK to still be growing, no matter how old we are.

5. Try Do-Overs

I was taking the kids out for lunch, a rare treat. But the arguments began before the minivan door even shut. In the ten seconds it took to back out of the driveway, tensions were already escalating from mild disagreement to imminent warfare.

Frustration and uncertainty flooded me: Do I pull out my Scary Mom Voice? Call off lunch? Call a do-over? I pulled the car back into the driveway and parked. Surprised by what I’d done, the kids quieted down.

I turned to face them. “Do you guys think this is the way God wants us to talk?”

Mumbled no’s.

“Let’s try this whole thing again, this time being selfless and kind.” I put on a singsong voice: “Oh, darling, loving children who would never argue about something as silly as food, where would you all like to eat?”

The kids started giggling, and they joined in, this time showing more patience and respect. Our do-over had allowed us a fresh start.

Do-overs can be a lighthearted way to reset. Kids arguing about which movie to watch? Let’s backtrack the conversation. Someone speaks too sharply? Let’s rephrase that sentence. The sensitive child makes a mistake and struggles to let go of guilt? Let’s rewind the last five minutes and give a fresh opportunity. This simple strategy helps feelers of all kinds to adjust our attitudes and move forward even after difficult moments.

6. Embrace Grace For Parenting Mistakes

Because sensitive and emotional kids are tender, we may worry about wounding them permanently with our missteps. But our kids don’t want perfect parents; they want loving, approachable parents. Growing parents. Parents who are willing to listen, apologize when needed, and change.

In all of this, we give our children hope that they, too, can grow. Remember the beautiful promise in 1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” As I learned that day in Avery’s room, we won’t ruin our children’s lives if we sometimes misread them, mishandle their emotions, or bungle a confrontation. Love covers sins, and grace will guide us through.

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With a background in Hollywood as a trained actress, Wendy Speake ministers to women as a bible teacher by applying the power of drama, poetry and comedy to the study of Scripture and real-life application of biblical truths. She has co-authored two books with Amber Lia titled Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and their latest, Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New. Wendy is also the co-author (with Kelli Stuart) of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom.

Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 1

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

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Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Thank you for committing to pray for the pre-born!

Sign up below for your free seven-day prayer guide. This daily guide will help give direction to your prayers for the pro-life movement. We will be praying with you! 

Focus on the Family

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